I've been slowly sifting back over the last ten years or so of my life, and trying to figure out what was really going on in my head. I generally enjoyed going to church. I had doubts about certain things, but didn't really delve too deeply into those niggling doubts. I see so many clues that I was never that devoted to the church. I see the same clues in my husband. Honestly though, that was something that appealed to me. I remember when I was in high school and I was dating, the majority of my boyfriends with either inactive in the church (or struggling members) or they weren't LDS altogether. I did occasionally go on a date with an extremely active LDS boy. For some reason, I never felt quite comfortable with them. I felt as though I were unequal spiritually, that they were on a higher plane than I was. It wasn't a sexist thing. It just seemed like they never had a mean or unkind thing enter their heads. I knew many of them would listen to hymns and read the scriptures on sunday whenever they weren't at church. General, Stake, and Regional conference meant an extra special time to learn more of God's word, not a week off, like it was in my mind.
Although my husband was fairly active in the church, one of his parents wasn't. Everyone seemed fine with that, and he didn't think that parent was any less of a person because of their religious views. He served a full time mission, and we got married in the temple. I was grateful we shared religious views, and I was so excited to be married for eternity, because I wanted (and still do, incidentally) to spend forever with him. None of this "til death do you part" crap.
I think my testimony for the last ten years or so was basically "There are people in the church who are smarter than me, and study much, much harder. If this makes sense and seems true to them, then I must be missing something. I will go along with them". I consider myself to be a bright person, but I know there are people out there a lot smarter than me. There's people I know and respect who are extremely active members, and believe every word of it. They are intelligent, wise people. So why do they still believe? I know people who even know many of the things that finally drove me to become inactive. They have somehow made peace with the knowledge of how the Book of Abraham came to be. They are ok with the polygamist teachings. They accept the Book of Mormon as truth even though they know of the evidence otherwise. I honestly don't know how they come to grips with it. The most definitive answer I've gotten is that it just still feels right, and even though the church is flawed, it teaches more truths than any other.
Comments (1)
I send you this comment and hope it helps. Forgive me if I offend. I do sypathize with your confusion but I beleive it helps to understand the "bottom line". see what you think:
Is it good to be alone? It seems that everyone, given the choice, wants companionship. In fact, this question brings to the heart of those that love their spouse a dread ranking second to few other fears.
Marriage is universal, except in rare cases everyone marries. Most of us have no desire to be alone; we are not content except as a couple. Marriage is all-important and yet every wedding ceremony includes the statement: “until death do you part”? What does this termination clause mean and how did it become part of these legal contracts? Surely those that “love one another” will still be married after death?
Questions like these reflect the uneasiness of this great Christian mystery: why did God, in Genesis 2, declare; “It is not good that the man should be alone;” and then, during His mortal ministry, teach that men and women will not be married after the resurrection? For all that profess to be Christian, the following verses, from the bible, must be accepted as the Lord’s law regarding marriage.
Matt. 22:29 Jesus answered and said unto them, Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God. 30 For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.
Mark 12:25 For when they shallrise from the dead, they neither marry, nor are given in marriage; but are as the angels which are in heaven.
Luke 20:34 And Jesus answering said unto them, Thechildren of this world marry, and are given in marriage: 35But they which shall be accounted worthy to obtain that world, and the resurrectionfrom the dead, neither marry, nor are given in marriage:
When asked, ”whose wife shall she be”, the Savior’s answer was that after the resurrection she wouldn’t be married to anyone. His answer, recorded three times in the New Testament, instituted what eventually became the termination cause, “until death do you part,” in marriage ceremonies.
There are some that ”err, not knowing the scriptures,” who take it upon themselves to create a God, of their own design. They say, “God won’t separate my family because we love each other,” they are satisfied that marriage by earthly authority, in spite of these verses, will be recognized by the Lord. They are convinced that a loving God would never separate married couples that love each other.
Take a few minutes and ponder each of these questions;
When we were children, as we planned our future, everything except marriage, was an option. Plans fail, goals change but the intent to marry is never permanently cancelled. Marriage is never intended to be temporary, but even following the unhappiness of a divorce it once again finds it’s way to the top of our priority list. In the book of Matthew we read: “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh;” only in marriage do we find that sense of being complete. All are born and grow to adulthood feeling that until they’re married they’re not quite whole.
<li class="MsoNormal">Do thoughts about your own future hinge on the dread of being alone?
In spite of the hard work, the challenges, and the occasional disappointments associated, with even good marriages, men and women devote their whole life to preserving these covenant relationships.
<li class="MsoNormal">Do these New Testament scriptures make being alone inevitable?
We all know older couples that, as they approach the end of their lives together, cling to each other for dear life. Because of their love for one another and the dread of being alone, they willingly expend all their combined resources to delay the inevitable.
<li class="MsoNormal">In the light of these questions, do you fear anything more than being alone …forever?
We all know from experience how being alone feels, it’s a terrible empty feeling that gets worse the longer it lasts.
These questions, included to provoke thought, when given sincere attention make one shudder at the very thought of the weeping inherent in being alone forever. They bring to mind this sobering realization: either my marriage is forever or it isn’t. Fortunately for mankind Jesus Christ redeemed us not only from death but also from the hell of being “alone”.
Along with the Lord’s law governing civil marriage, the bible contains the key to the doctrine of eternal marriage. Six days before the Savior took Peter, James, and John into a high mountain apart "and was transfigured before them” He promised Peter: [i]”I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven”. Keys to bind; authority, to perform priesthood ordinances, was given to Peter, James, and John under the administration of the Savior, Moses, and Elias.
Even those that claim the authority held anciently by Saint Peter don’t profess possession of the power to perform marriages that will be valid beyond this mortal life. More questions: if marriage covenants are binding after death why then did Jesus teach that they weren’t, why is there a termination statement in all-wedding ceremonies, and why did the Lord deem it necessary to bestow the authority to “bind …in heaven”, upon His apostles? If the Lord truly values families and patriarchal lineage, which is really the theme of the Bible, then wouldn’t He, in spite of His New Testament teachings, provide a means to “bind” families together forever. Is there any way for our marriages here to be, ”bound in heaven”? The answer is yes; the Savior was speaking of the power to “bind” in this life for the life to come. The authority to ”bind on earth” is the priesthood authority given to the Mortal Messiah’s chief apostles to seal couples and their children together “in heaven.”
But, what of those that won’t believe the words spoken by the Lord, are they to be separated forever at death? The thought of marriages being dissolved seems harsh and unloving until we understand that the Lord in his love for mankind, by the power of the atonement, has restored priesthood authority to, if accepted, seal husbands and wives together forever. Eternal marriage is an essential part of the Lord’s plan of salvation.
For the ages of our [ii]pre-mortal existence we were all separate single individuals. As we prepared for our mortal sojourn here on earth we must have anxiously looked forward to possessing this body and to the countless sensations associated with a physical existence. I submit that more than anything else we anticipated that great day when we could become a couple; when we would be flesh, not ”twain, but one flesh” and that because we brought these pre-mortal longings with us; we came to earth, literally wired to be a couple. I would further submit that when we leave this life our desire for companionship will not only go with us, but that it will now be stamped into our very being because of our mortal experiences. We came to earth with the promise that, if accepted, the Lord’s plan would allow us to return to his presence and spend eternity sealed to someone we love. The Lord’s plan has never been to dissolve marriages between couples that love each other. From before time His plan has been to provide the means, in his Kingdom, for marriages to be eternal. However, if by choice, the plan with it’s associated covenants, is rejected our fate is to return to the single condition we came from; in the mortal Christ’s own words: ”they neither marry, nor are given in marriage”. He was speaking of anyone that has been married, in this earthly kingdom, by earthly authority only. The scriptures are clear that this “being alone” will be forever.
The Old Testament Prophet Isaiah speaks of the ”Lord’s house”, a common symbolic reference to a Temple, this time being built in the last days, in the ”top of the mountains”.
Isaiah 2:2 And it shall come to pass in the last days, that the mountain of the LORD's house shall be established in the top of the mountains, and shall be exalted above the hills; and all nations shall flow unto it.
Malachi, another prophet of the Old Testament, speaking of the second coming of Jesus Christ, prophesies; “the Lord, whom ye seek, shall suddenly come to his temple.”
What temple do you suppose these Prophets were shown? The LDS church now has over a hundred operating Temples worldwide. In these Temples, Priesthood Ordinances necessary for the salvation of mankind are being performed as part of the work of the last dispensation. Work that includes sealing men and women, that love each other, together, in the Kingdom of God, for time and for all eternity.
Gordon B. Hinckley, current President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Saints, sustained by members as a living prophet, speaks of the doctrine of eternal marriage with these words: “I think that if we had the capacity to teach effectively this one doctrine, it would capture the interest of millions of husbands and wives who love one another and who love their children, but whose marriage is in effect only "until death do you part."
The Prophet Jeremiah, speaking of the last days adds that the Lord will re-establish his covenant with Israel, not the Law of Moses but the New and Everlasting Covenant; the fullness of His Gospel.
Jeremiah . 31:31 Behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel, andwith the house of Judah: 32 Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt; which my covenant they brake, although I was an husband unto them, saith the LORD: 33 But this shall be the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel; After those days, saith the LORD, I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God, and they shall be my people.
This is the New and Everlasting Covenant, wherein men and women can be sealed together as a Patriarchal unit destined to enjoy that covenant relationship forever.
In another prophecy Malachi said that the prophet Elijah was to come before the second coming of Jesus Christ, and bring with him the keys to seal families together, in the kingdom of God.
Malachi. 4:5 Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD: 6 And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.
Elijah, as promised, appeared to the prophet Joseph Smith and bestowed upon him the authority, “keys of the kingdom of heaven,” to bind men and women together “…in heaven.” Some struggle with the truth that the Lord called a prophet, Joseph Smith, to open this, the last dispensation. If you cannot accept this prophet ask yourself, would I have accepted the prophet Noah, how about Moses, would I have defended or been party to stoning the prophets of ancient Israel. Remember, it was the spiritual leaders of the Jews that condemned their own Savior. At the trial of the Messiah would your shout have been “release him” or would you, in your understanding of divine authority chant: “crucify him”?
To quote the book of Malachi again; Behold, I will send my messenger, and he shall prepare the way before me: and the Lord, whom ye seek, shall suddenly come to his temple… Where does the world expect this modern day John the Baptist to come from and who will recognize him? Who will provide acceptable verification that he is a ‘messenger’ sent from God? Jesus Christ validated John the Baptist Himself, but how did the Jews receive him? Ask yourself: would I have embraced this man clad in camel hair clothes as a prophet of God? Just as John the Baptist was sent to prepare the way for the mortal ministry of the Messiah, Joseph Smith was called to prepare the world for the second coming of Jesus Christ.
Matthew 3:1 In those days came John the Baptist, preaching in the wilderness of Judaea, 2 And saying, Repent ye: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand. 3 For this is he that was spoken of by the prophet Esaias, saying, The voice of one crying in the wilderness, Prepare ye the way of the Lord, make his paths straight.
Anciently prophets saw and taught of the events of the last days. All that is happening in the world today was witnessed and testified of ages ago. The Christian world awaits the second coming of the Savior, Jesus Christ. All the Bible prophecies reviewed, in this study, are signs of His second coming and there is nothing that has happened or is yet to happen that has not been, as Amos taught, revealed …unto his servants the prophets.
The final destruction of the wicked, the fall of Babylon, and the battle of Armageddon are signs of the second coming of the Lord Jesus Christ, but these are not all.
According to the Bible, the Gospel of Jesus Christ will be restored to the earth, the Lord’s church will be organized and a prophet will be called to prepare the way for the Lord’s second coming to the earth.
Like mankind in all previous dispensations, ours is to choose. Great care must be taken as these choices have eternal consequences. A Book of Mormon prophet writing words that, Isaiah chapter 29 the 4th verse says, “hath a familiar spirit,” gives this counsel;
Moroni 10:3 “Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts”. 4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.
I submit that the same promise applies to the Bible scriptures referenced above. Take the challenge and ‘ask God… with a sincere heart’. I testify, to you, that the Holy Ghost will answer your petition.
The Savior established Priesthood authority anciently and it has now been restored to the earth. One of its purposes is to seal husbands and wives together forever. Like mankind in all previous dispensations, we are given choices. The choices are: a “fullness of joy” or to be “alone” forever, great care must be taken as these choices have eternal consequences.
So, Is it good to be alone …forever?
The answer, from an eternal perspective, is no.
Can this being alone be avoided …forever?
The answer, from an eternal perspective, is yes.
[i] Matthew 16:19
[ii] This statement by William W. Phelps was published in the 1844 “The Times and Seasons”: "That eternity [the one during which Christ's doings have been known], agreeable to the records found in the catacombs of Egypt, has been going on in this system . . . almost two thousand five hundred and fifty-five millions of years."
The Lord Jehovah was anointed Savior and Redeemer, a God, and began his reign, according to Joseph Fielding Smith: several billion years ago, according to our reckoning, there was a council held in heaven at which we shouted for joy because we were to have the opportunity of coming to the earth to receive bodies that we might become, through faithfulness, like unto our Father, God?
These statements dated the council in Heaven to be about 2.5 billion years ago.